I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
