ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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