Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
