i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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