Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
