Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize