I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
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