my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
