if i can run in heels then i can drive
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
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