why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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