I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Mom said you looked used
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
