I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
