I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
