I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
