You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
