How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
