yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize