Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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