we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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