I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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