You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Randomize
