Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
