dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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