I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize