genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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