I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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