i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
