If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
