I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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