she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
