I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
