i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
