We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
