Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
