you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
