i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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