dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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