So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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