why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
