Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
