So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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