My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
