He told me they were just razor bumps!
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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