All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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