We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
