I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
