god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
