I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
