a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
