Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
