no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
We need to get me chipped asap
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
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