i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
