dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
