Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Randomize
