so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
