is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
