i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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