I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
