sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
