omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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