dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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