i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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