Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
sarcasm needs its own font
he quoted the bible to break up with me
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
