Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
