it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
