You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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