There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
