The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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