What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
