end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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